We listed our house in the middle of January. What a process. Around the end of January we had been waiting to get the results back from our (old) home inspection. We (or I) was worried our Radon test would come back high, that they would ask us to fix the roof, the gutters, or who knows what. They had up until like 5pm January 31 to get back to us with results and anything they wanted fixed. So come Friday, January 31 sometime in the evening ( I swear they waited til the exact last minute to get back to us) Todd called us to tell us that our Radon test was fine, but it was our METH test that came back high.
I remember sitting there confused thinking, WHAT? Not only did they come back high, but that the home inspector got a combined score of SEVEN. So, I know nothing about how this all works. I didn't know at the time that the score was out 100, I just assumed it was out of 10. So immediately after getting off the phone with Todd and Bonnie, we both started to freak out a little bit. I immediately started researching health risks for our kids. My mind was racing from health concerns, to remediation costs, to "What will people think?" to screaming in my pillow trying to remember why a meth test wasn't done on this house when we bought it. I remember walking through with our home inspector who told us that unless meth was cooked in our home, it wouldn't ever be an issue. He pointed out that the paint on the walls would be peeling, there would be discoloration in places, and that he didn't think it was necessary to test because there were no signs. So of course we would trust him...right?
Todd and Bonnie showed up at our house to talk us down a little bit. They explained that we didn't know exactly what area tested positive because the 3 area's that were swabbed (master, cold air return, furnace) were put in a combined kit, but that it was most likely only in the furnace. We know the meth was not cooked in our home, only smoked. They had a contact (Nate) who could come clean the air ducts and furnace and that would (hopefully) take care of everything. That relieved some stress. We could get this cleaned up, not have to tell anyone that this ever happened, and proceed with the purchase of the new home. PHEW.
The following day on Saturday, we got to work on our usual Saturday chores, cleaning out the cars, the garage, the house, I got a good nap in because I wasn't feeling good, and we promised our kids a trip to the park that afternoon. Around 4:30, we get another call from Todd and Bonnie asking to come see us. Its never good when they ask to talk in person...
They told us that because the Health Department had recently changed guidelines, the Health Department would need to get involved. And because they were getting involved, they could take posession of anything in our home that they thought could possibly be contaminated. So if any room tested positive for meth, they would toss every single thing in the room. To avoid all that, we would need to move out. And move out immediately. They would clean the ducts and the furnace, and then retest every single room in our home, and if any room came back positive, it would need to be deep cleaned, including having the carpets replaced. (Yes, the brand new carpet we just replaced in October would need to go) I seriously just sat there like an idiot, not knowing how to process anything. Our kids were crying to go to the park and my ears were ringing, and I just don't ever remember a time in my life where I just couldn't think or move or do anything. My world was just crumbling all around me and I couldn't do anything to stop it.
What had all this been for? This house that we spent endless amounts of time fixing up...re-painting and re-surfacing, repairing and re-finishing. Every single surface of this house had been changed. And now....what was all that for? We had used hard earned money and worked ourselves to fix it up as nice as we could, and now we would pay to have it redone for someone else. BECAUSE of someone else.
As I sat there not knowing what to say, Bonnie suggested asking Uncle Tracy for a trailer, gathering up some trucks etc etc, and all I could choke out was, "I just don't want anyone to know." And while Bonnie hugged me reassuring me that no one would think we smoked the meth, that was not why I was embarrassed. I know very well we had not done drugs in that house, and I honestly didn't care if family DID think I had done drugs. I was embarrassed for not testing the home for meth. That would have saved us all this grief. Who cared what the home inspector said? We should have done it anyways. People were going to say: Welp, serves them right for not testing the home. They should have done this, or they should have done that. After all the things we had heard about our house, (granted, they were things we found out after we moved in, when it would have been too late anyways) me in my naive world would be so stupid as to not do the meth test. And because of that stupidity, we had put not only our own family at risk, but we had put everyone else who had ever stepped into our home at risk.
Family members who had stayed over night, children who I babysat on a regular basis, friends, neighbors, siblings, grandparents, and cousins who brought their kids. Seriously, how mad were people going to be at us?? I had no idea what the health risks were at this point. We could all have cancer for all I knew and why did I think anyone else would think anything different when worrying about themselves or their kids? Why wouldn't everyone hate me?
I brought two newborn babies home to a meth house. Boston was one year old when we moved in and I let him crawl on the floors. I had 2.2 pregnancies in that house. 6 years...3 kids and a baby on the way....how could I have not had my little babies best interest in mind that day? How careless and how stupid.
Having no choice but to push that portion of anxiety to the side for now, I moved on to the portion of anxiety that I call: we are now homeless. Luckily that didn't last long as Todd and Bonnie were so nice to offer their basement. It was the only option that made sense...my parents didn't have room, and moving to Heber meant springing an extra school change on Boston when he was already struggling leaving his class and teacher. It just made sense, and we are very grateful they helped us out!
Now we move on to the next category of anxiety called: Move out in less than 24 hours. Jeff had the sense to text our neighbor to borrow a trailer, and called his parents. I called my mom who had been saving boxes for us. I'm lucky they lived close and they immediately dropped everything to start helping us pack up our house. Being a Saturday night, I didn't really know who to ask for help being that we would have to do the majority of the move on a Sunday. I honestly didn't think anyone would come to help, and I didn't want to ask. So I didn't.
Life was in slow motion. When we thought we had a month, we now had less than 24 hours. We were about to spend the very last night in our home of 6 years and I didn't even care. This stupid house let me down and I hated it.
We had a neighbor come by while we were moving the next day to talk to Jeff and I. He works for RISE homes and has experience testing for meth. He recommended testing a few rooms to try and rule out rooms to try and save at least some of the carpet. The first thing he said to a very emotional me, was "First, just know that everything will be ok, try to calm down." and then the very next thing: "There is a 90% chance you will lose all the carpet in your house." . . . . . . . . . . I laugh about it now, but at the time, i just yelled, are you kidding me?! Don't tell me to calm down then tell me my brand new carpet is history.
We were able to pack and haul boxes out in record time and store them in our shed. My brother offered his garage for our furniture so we didn't have to rent a storage unit. Our neighbors dropped everything to come help with their trailer. I was so touched by everyone who came to help that day, and those who wanted to be there but couldn't, and am amazed that we busted the whole thing out by around 3.
Jeff and I took one last trip to the house to gather the cleaning supplies and make one last walk through. Our kids were staying at our neighbors house, so we also had to swing by to pick them up. After gathering everything up, Jeff was kept busy for a bit, leaving me to sit in our empty family room alone. I hadn't been alone since it had all happened, and as if I hadn't been emotional all day long, I just lost it. So many emotions running through my head and I just didn't have enough time to release it all. I have never been under this amount of stress ever in my entire life, at least this type of stress where I have absolutely no control over my life, my family or anything.
As we picked the kids up and said goodbye to our good friends and neighbors, we drove past our empty house and I heard Boston in the back say "bye house" immediately followed by sobs. Boston has had such a hard time with the move. The kids don't understand why we had to leave, why it was so sudden, why mom is always crying and why we are now at Todd and Bonnie's.
The next few weeks were crushing. I'm sure a great deal had to do with my pregnancy hormones, but there's nothing like having your reputation crushed right before leaving your ward and neighborhood of 6 years. I could not stop the negative thoughts running through my head faster than the meth ran through our vents. What about the inactive girl down the street? I had stopped by her house every Tuesday night to pick her up for mutual. And now what? She thinks i'm a fraud? That I had been dishonest and was secretly smoking meth? Or was simply an irresponsible person who could no longer be trusted? I mean, the bright red sign was posted on our front door for the whole neighborhood to see. The large crime stopper van was parked in our driveway for who knows how long? Broadcasting rumors to anyone and everyone. Humiliation is a huge understatement of how I felt. And STILL feel. What about ward members and friends? What do they now think of me? What is everyone saying?
I remember through all the stress, I started getting some pretty intense pelvic pain. It felt like it does in the last few weeks of pregnancy where you feel like the baby is so heavy they are just going to drop out at any point. I didn't stress too much over it at first, but when the pain got to be so bad I couldn't sit or walk without pretty intense pain, I started researching miscarriage signs and symptoms thinking that it was only fitting right now when everything is falling apart, for this to happen too. It just made sense. I eventually called my doctor and was told to be patient, and to call if laying down didn't relieve my symptoms. Then we would need to really worry.
So, the next few weeks, all we could do was wait, not knowing if we would be able to use money we had saved so long for would go as planned - to our "dream" list (truck, swing set, trampoline) or if we would have to sacrifice that money to re-replace carpet and clean out our old home for someone else. Not knowing if I was miscarrying our baby. It just all seemed so unfair. We had worked SO hard. And saved SO hard. I remember one night just being so angry. So angry that people were careless enough to smoke meth in MY house. Where MY babies played. How dare they? How dare they smoke in my house, and now I have to be the one to clean it up, when I have done nothing wrong?? Why are we paying the price? Literally!
I remember my thoughts in that moment turning instantly to Jesus. How unfair it must have felt to pay the price for our sins when he did nothing wrong. All the while never having a negative thought. If he was able to do all that, shouldn't it be easy for me to pay to have some carpet replaced? To hold off on a few things while we save up again?
After everything we had been through, I do feel grateful I never ever felt alone. As we celebrated Easter this year, and were watching the video of the Garden of Gethsemane, there is a scene where Jesus is crumpled up on the ground in pain. An angel walks up beside him and rests his hand on his shoulder. I remember watching that and sobbing, asking Jeff if he thought that that simple gesture actually helped Jesus, when he had to carry the weight of it alone. Even though the gesture may not have taken away the pain or the load, the idea of not being alone must have helped a lot.
I continued to cry as I could relate to the scene. Not to compare my pain to the Saviors in any way at all, but being brought to the ground in grief, and feeling a comforting hand on my shoulder. My pain wasn't taken away. My trial wasn't lifted. But I knew, and never doubted that He was there with me. He was next to me all the while. And that made my crumbling life feel a whole lot better.
We continued to get bad news, and then some good news, and then we'd get bad news again. I won't get into the nitty gritty details of it all (let's just say I will NEVER go into real estate) but the meth ended up only being in the furnace, everything else came back completely non-detect! We ended up spending the minimal amount to take care of it, and we ended up with more money back on our house than we had originally planned. Which allowed us to get the dream truck, the swing-set and trampoline for our new backyard, and come out looking better than we had ever thought. Our baby is healthy and active, and it turns out I was experiencing Symphysis Pubis Dysfuncion. Pain that comes from your body stretching and releasing hormones to get ready for the baby. Our pediatrician assured us that the chances of health risks were extremely low, and pretty much non existent now that we knew the meth was only in the furnace. I KNOW we were blessed. I know we were being taken care of and watched over. I never ever want to go through something like that again, but I know that if we had to, it would be OK! For some reason we had to lose complete control over our lives. I know I will be quicker to put my trust in Heavenly Father the next time we are falling apart.
Thank you again to everyone who came to our rescue! We felt your prayers and love and are grateful for you all!
No comments:
Post a Comment