"Rough" Camp

Jeff getting a facemask

Snipe hunting

We thought the hike was over....we were only halfway

Jeff's manicure

Right before we left

Hike that just about killed us all

My Laurels!!

I had a really hard time at girls camp this year. I learned a lot of lessons, had a lot of meltdowns and grew a lot in these 5 days. This was the first time that "rough" camp was actually ROUGH for me. We all spoke in church today so instead of writing all the terrible things that happened, i'll just share the talk I gave so I can remember the lesson's I learned instead.

Failing Perfectly:
As much fun as girls camp was this year, when Brother Rojas asked me to speak on my girls camp experience, my mind immediately went to everything that went wrong at girls camp this year.

For starters, I mis-counted the girls - no idea how it happened, but I was positive we had 15 girls coming to camp this year. When we all got up to camp and we all of a sudden had 16 girls, I was so confused. And while I had hoodies and supplies for all 16 girls, I never heard the end of it all week. You’re welcome for the comedic relief, girls. In my defense, when you marry a math teacher, you don’t need to know how to count. 

We also had almost all of our food freeze. If you want to find an amazing cooler, ask Sister Doyle, because we could not seem to get our food thawed. We fed the whole stake on the first night, and when our sour cream finally thawed, it was liquid. Lesson learned from this: don’t freeze your sour cream. It was pretty humorous watching girls pour sour cream on their taco’s as if they were pouring milk on cold cereal. 

Sometimes, not just at girls camp or in my calling, but in my life, I feel completely lost. Like I have no idea what i’m doing. There isn’t a manual for parents on how to be the perfect parent, there isn’t a manual for husbands or wives on how to be the perfect spouse, and there surely isn’t a manual for kids or teenagers on how to be the perfect son or daughter, and I’m pretty sure even if there was, not one of them would look at it. The more I thought about what I should talk about, the more I thought I should stick with my girls camp experience and relate some of my experiences to our lives. How do we overcome these times in our lives when we feel we have failed, or just can’t seem to do anything right. I came up with a few steps on how to deal with our everyday imperfections. 

#1: Realize that Failure is Essential

I was reminded of a family home evening that my dad had given my family just a few months ago on the BYU address given by Kevin J. Worthen entitled: Successfully Failing. This address is literally the story of my life.

He begins his address by stating the mission of BYU which is: “to assist individuals in their quest for perfection and eternal life.” Failing is an essential part of the mortal phase of our quest for perfection. We don’t often think of it that way, but that is only because we tend to focus too much on the word perfection and not enough on the word quest. 

Failure is essential in our journey back to Heavenly Father.

When we realize that failure is essential, it will be easier to accept the outcome. And we need to accept that we will all fail, more than once, every day. And its ok. 

#2: Realize that Everyone Makes Mistakes. 

Nephi is a great example of this. When he was given the assignment to obtain the brass plates from Laban, his first two efforts failed. He persisted and ultimately succeeded. In the process he discovered the power of being “led by the Spirit,” a critical lesson that he may not have learned if the first effort to persuade Laban to release the plates had been successful. Nephi’s life was forever changed in a positive way because he failed twice—and, more important, because of the way he responded to those failures.

On a particularly difficult day at camp I remember praying to my Heavenly Father asking why everything was going wrong. Throughout the day I kept getting the same thought, that it was important for the girls to see me fail. Its important for them to know that its OK to make mistakes. We all make them, our parents, leaders, prophets, etc. We came to earth to be tested, and to prove ourselves. The more I thought about that, the more I realized at home with my kids, how many times do I react to a mistake and my reaction is less that pleasant. I get angry with myself, and in turn am ornery with my kids and husband, taking my frustration out on them. It is important to be an example of positive failure, reacting to your mistakes positively, to show our children that its ok, that its not the end of the world. Even when after 2 hours of work, you discover you accidentally put salt instead of sugar in your cinnamon roll filling.

#3: Be Patient With Yourself

Dieter F. Uchtdorf gives an address that I love entitled Forget Me Not. In this talk, he says:

God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.

God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.

And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths,1 but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect,2 and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself.

Social Media plays a huge part in me setting unrealistic expectations for myself. People post pictures of their accomplishments and their new purchases and I immediately compare myself to them, wondering why I have not accomplished or achieved the same thing. My social media weakness, and much to my husbands dismay, is Pinterest. I am guilty of spending way too much time looking for new recipes, new crafts, and new projects to add to his honey-do list. I can see the disgust in his eyes when I tell him I want to attempt to reuse our toilet paper rolls to make some piece of home decor. I feel like whenever I am faced with a task I am unsure of what to do, I go to Pinterest. While it is a good tool when used sparingly, it is an easy way to set ourselves up for failure. I attempt a project, and when fail, I immediately belittle myself. Its important to be patient with ourselves, we aren’t going to do everything right the first time we attempt or even the second. If you need a good laugh, research Pinterest fails.  It always makes me feel better about myself.

President Uchdtorf goes on to say: Be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-not flower, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life’s sweetest experiences.

For example, insisting that you have a picture-perfect family home evening each week—even though doing so makes you and everyone around you miserable—may not be the best choice. Instead, ask yourself, “What could we do as a family that would be enjoyable and spiritual and bring us closer together?” That family home evening—though it may be modest in scope and execution—may have far more positive long-term results.

#4: Learn From Your Experience

Going back to the BYU address, he says: I believe there are certain things, some of them essential to our exaltation, that we can learn only through experience. We could not have remained in our premortal condition, memorized all the attributes of godhood, and then, after passing a written exam, become like our heavenly parents. We came to earth to “prove” ourselves, to learn from our own experiences how to know good from evil and other important lessons we could learn only by our own experience. And one of the best ways we can fully learn those essential lessons is by failing in our efforts. And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.

My very first experience working in a dental office taught me a valuable lesson. In order to graduate schooling for my dental assisting program, we were assigned to get an internship job at an office for 3 months. Its not easy getting one, most offices cringe at the thought of having to teach and train a temp. But after about 100 phone calls to different offices, I was starting my internship. My very first day on the job, they walked me back to the operatory, informed me that the dentist was performing a root canal and said “Good Luck.” In that moment I forgot everything I had studied and learned throughout the year and just froze. I couldn’t even remember how to sit in the chair correctly. I couldn’t remember the names of the instruments, and multiple times remember getting the suction stuck to the outside of the patient’s cheek. I believe we call this in modern terms: an EPIC fail. I went home that day discouraged and embarrassed, and wanted to quit. Knowing that my grade depended on this, I sucked it up and went back.

Throughout the following weeks and months this internship taught me a valuable lesson about failing. Even with all the book study and lectures I had received over the greater part of my schooling, it was that initial trial by fire and failed dental procedure that taught me how to learn from my mistakes. Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement, or in other words, failure. Success often lies at the other side of failure. Because I had the courage to get up the next morning and face the dental office again, I overcame those fears and made small improvements each day.  The dentist ended up offering me a job at the end of my 3 months, and now 10 years later, I can say with confidence that I never suctioned a patients face again.

#5: Remember Always That You Are Special

Our camp theme this year was “You are Special.” Its important to remember that no  matter what happens, our Heavenly Father loves us and we are special to him. 

One thing I remember from my childhood, that I will never forget was that when i was in trouble (which happened quite often) and I was being lectured, my parents would always say: “Even when we’re angry with you, we still love you.” This is exactly how our Heavenly Father feels. Even when we we make mistakes, or feel like failures, he still loves us, and we are still special to him. 

Going back to President Uchtdorf’s address, he says: As a child, when I would look at the little forget-me-nots, I sometimes felt a little like that flower—small and insignificant. I wondered if I would be forgotten by my family or by my Heavenly Father.

Years later I can look back on that young boy with tenderness and compassion. And I do know now—I was never forgotten. He loves you because you are His child. He loves you even though at times you may feel lonely or make mistakes.

The love of God and the power of the restored gospel are redemptive and saving. If you will only allow His divine love into your life, it can dress any wound, heal any hurt, and soften any sorrow.

On the last day of camp we celebrated some birthday’s at camp. We made brownies to celebrate at the end of the day, and after freezing and burning food all week, I was adamant that they would be perfect. While they cooked, I remained at the side of the dutch ovens to make sure they didn’t burn. Low and behold, 30 minutes later I was picking out burned chunks to try and salvage the sad looking brownies. Bracing myself for the complaints that would no doubt follow after serving them, instead, I overheard several of the girls saying it was the best brownie they’d ever had. Standing there with my jaw on the floor, I was then greeted by the birthday girl with a hug, thanking me for the best birthday she’d ever had. No matter how much I thought I had messed up that night and that whole week, that was not the case in her eyes. I will never forget that moment after eating a crappy brownie how grateful she was for me. She made me realize what was important. The seemingly huge mistakes made at camp weren’t what was important or what would be remembered. It was the experience we all had and shared and the spirit that we felt while at camp. 

I’m so grateful for my calling. I’ve now proved in more ways than one that I am no where near perfect at it, but I do know I will continue to try my best and continue to improve. I love your girls. I love being able to see them each week. I feel pain when they feel pain and I find myself missing  them when they skip an activity or Sunday lesson. I pray for them often and hope they know just how much their leaders and I love them.