The Family Tree: April 2017

I will never potty train again, I said. I won't be stupid, I said. I learned my lesson, I said.

Nope.

Still an Idiot.

January 10th. A day I will always remember. The day I decided to be an idiot, when I could have chosen not to be. If I could go back and slap myself in the face, I would.

I looked into the eyes of my not quite 2 year old daughter just as they started watering and her face started to redden. "Ellie, lets go poop on the potty!" She has always been interested in the potty, and likes to sit on it and "try" to go pee. This time, I actually caught her before she pooped, put her on the potty, and watched the miracle unfold. My daughter had just beaten all the odds and had pooped in the potty!! The angels were singing. The clouds had opened and sent down a ray of sunshine from above.

I am a rockstar. Literally. I just potty trained a freaking baby. I immediately reward Ellie, pack up, and head to the store for big girl undies. I bought rewards, and printed out a "Frozen" potty chart. I've got this in the bag! Poop is the hardest part, and I've just mastered it. I'm basically Rocky at this point, pumping my fists and looking ridiculously awesome, blood, sweat and tears running down my face. I deserve an easy potty train after going through that nightmare with Boston.

Fast forward to the end of March. March 25th to be exact. I walk in the bedroom of my beautiful little daughter to see poop smeared all over the wall, crib, and blankets. That rockstar little girl who pooped in the potty right off the bat is still pooping in her pants. Remember that cocky, obnoxiously arrogant Megan from the paragraph before? Yeah. Lets all slap her in the face. Over 4 months later and guess who still isn't pooping in the potty? Every day is a never-ending pit of darkness as I clean poop from her butt, shower her off in the tub, and start all over again. "Tan't get my Moana bike." "Tan't get my princess book," she says as she giggles while I wipe her down. I want to smack something. My patience is gone, I CAN'T DO THIS!!!!!

I will be positive for 5 seconds and tell you that she does pee in the potty by this point. But even then, guessing when she's about to poop on the freaking potty is anyone's guess. Do I take her to the store in underwear? No i'll use a pull-up. Oh wait, now she thinks she can pee in her underwear. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Back to the poop in the crib. How gross are you, Ellie? Really? Poop on your hands? Poop in your crib? Poop on the WALLS?! I'm amazed you didn't get pink eye from this little escapade. Completely amazed. Sometimes I wonder if I could see my life now, back before I had kids, if I would completely run away screaming or not. I mean, the good times definitely out-weigh the bad, but c'mon, sometimes the bad times are SO bad.

All of a sudden, over 3 months after the initial poop, something just clicked in that little brain of hers, and she started burning through stickers on her princess poop chart. We almost quit and went back to diapers several times, but we stuck with it. Now I can say that my little Ellie-girl is all potty trained. Even during her naps *most times.* Its been a long journey. Do I feel like Rocky now? Do I want to pump my fists in the air like I just don't care? Nah, I want go get in bed and sleep. Sleep for a very long time. I am TIRED.

Easter Sunday was the last sticker on her chart. More than one reason to sing Hallelujah on that day if you know what I mean.

Her poop chart had some hefty prizes on it (I was willing to give her the moon at this point) and sometimes she got two in one day, but no matter what we were doing, we immediately dropped everything to get her the prizes on that poop chart. Nail polish, kite, trip to McDonalds, pizza party, slurpee, ice cream cones, princess book, random treats, and finally at the end, her "Moana Bike."

At last my nightmare is over. Thankfully!!! Now just look at this cute face: