**Found this post from August/September 2018 :-)**
The house is quiet and the kids are sleepy and I'm feeling really grateful for a lazy Sunday today. I've had a lot of things going through my mind the last few weeks, and just thought I'd write them down...
We had Stake Conference back at the end of August. We were originally going to be at my brothers mission homecoming talk, but it ended up getting moved due to a crazy power outage that affected our stake as well as my parents. So we trekked it with the kids to Stake Conference and proceeded to wrestle with Rylee to hold still and be quiet. I don't ever remember the other kids being THIS difficult in church. I chased her and took her out probably 5 different times in the first hour and at one point mouthed to Jeff, "Why are we here?!" I'm not paying attention to the speakers, the kids are playing with toys, which they could easily do at home, and Rylee is just making life miserable. As soon as I had that thought, Rylee pushed the chairs in front of us away and escaped me, running straight up to the pulpit. For being so chunky, she sure is fast. She got super close and I pulled her out again, this time fighting tears while Rylee giggled in my arms. Why is church so hard? I'm literally doing everything I can to do the right thing, and this child is determined to make the right thing the HARDEST thing. I took her to the empty primary room, turned on the speaker to the sacrament room, let Rylee roam free and started to sob. Seriously, why am I here? I just want to go home. Immediately, the thought came to my mind: If you leave right now, what message will you be teaching your kids? That its ok to give up when things get hard?
Yeah. I knew I needed to stay. Even if it was a sad attempt like sitting in the primary room with the speaker on. Eventually Jeff found me and brought the other kids and our things in the primary room. I'm sure he thought I was just nuts. Life is hard.
A few weeks later we had a family fast for a family member who was having surgery. We sat the kids down and talked to them about what was happening and that Mom and Dad were going to help by fasting. Not expecting much from them, Boston and Ellie both said they wanted to help and we decided they would skip breakfast to participate in the fast.
The next morning was probably the longest morning of my life. Ha! They both were in my room at 7 asking if it was time for lunch yet. I distracted them with a long walk outside (pulling all three in the wagon, because they were too famished and weak at 9 in the morning with no breakfast to walk themselves) with games, and other things. Every time they mentioned being hungry (which was literally every 15 minutes) I would remind them of the person they were fasting for, and how important it was. At around 10 I had the same thought as a few weeks prior. Why the heck am I doing this? They are getting nothing out of it, and are only thinking of how hungry they are. Just like before, the same thought came to my mind: Do you really want to teach your kids that its ok to give up when things get hard? I knew we needed to finish. So we powered through, and ended up eating lunch only a tinsy winsy bit early haha.
Life is not easy....We have to be kind when its not easy. We have to forgive when we don't feel its fair. We have to pray for those who hurt or offend us. We have to step out of our comfort zones and try to be like Jesus. We have to keep all the commandments and be happy about it. We are faced with trials daily, and have to keep moving forward with smiles painted on our faces. I'm grateful for a Savior who we can turn to when we feel like giving up. I'm grateful he is here to help us do hard things!
**August/September 2018**
